On the ragin' waters of life

Well, it's good to be here, in spite of most things. Isn't that just how life is, the waters rage all around us, creating fear and chaos in our certain and well-construed lives. I mean, we've got it all figured out - don't we...and then another curve ball comes our way. How are we to continue being the people we know we should be when all this "stuff" is always happening to us.
It all seems to revolve around an idea pushed on me (earlier in life) in getting comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. See, if we see this "stuff" as problems placed in our court, then we will most certainly deal with them as problems.

But if we see them as opportunities (as a good friend of mine refers to as "God-incidences"), then we may just be able to gain the strength to meet the need and help and serve where we have undoubtedly been asked. Isn't that what servant leadership is all about? I don't have to solve every problem, but I may be called to help others in their time of need...maybe point them in the right direction...get 'em going a bit.

I was stretched again lately, in a few ways. This stretching proved to be exactly what I needed to help me live the words I usually thrust upon others. You see, when Tami and I realized we were pregnant with baby #3, we were immediately excited. But, as happens all too often, we started thinking...and Martin Luther weighed in on this one a while back saying: "Reason is the greatest enemy that faith has: it never comes to the aid of spiritual things, but—more frequently than not—struggles against the divine Word, treating with contempt all that emanates from God." Certainly, he wasn't against using our God-given minds, but only when thinking (as it does so often) detracts from the faith we are to have in God and His ways.

And that was the case here...I started thinking..."Can we afford another child right now?" "We aren't covered for pregnancy on our insurance plan, how will we get by?" See, instead of being grateful for the opportunity to usher another life into eternity with The Father, I saw the wind and the waves (you know what I am saying Peter...Matthew 14:30...why didn't I learn from your mistakes?). And soon enough, I was praying that the pregnancy test was wrong and a misread (it was a light line to make a plus). I want to be sure you understand, I didn't pray for a miscarriage, but I did pray we wouldn't be pregnant. What a tragedy! I was thinking about the wind and waves and not the power of God to care for our needs (See Matthew 6:25-34).
Tami had a miscarriage. I believe I was directly responsible (be careful what you pray for...you just might get it). Of course, God forgives, but there are always consequences of our actions, good or bad. And I have stolen from myself the opportunity to live, learn, love and be loved by another life God was entrusting to my care. At least, this is what I thought at first. But I now understand that God is not my puppet...He already knew my prayer and my response before I had even prayed it...He has everything in His hands of grace. He has gracefully taken that child of only a few weeks home with Him. It does not excuse my behavior, but puts His omniscience and complete love and grace into perspective for me. All those things I said about my weakness of faith and poor trust in the power of God is truth...but God does not give or take life based on my prayers (thankfully...or I would be in deep stuff...did you ever see the movie Bruce Almighty?). God graciously calls us to repentance and strengthened faith in Him...and have you seen why? Check out God's track record sometime (the Bible-66 cannonical books)...it's pretty amazing! A bunch of slaves crossing the Red Sea on dry land with a wall of water on either side...3 men thrown in a fiery furnace only to come back out and not even smell like campfire...Daniel thrown in a lion's den, only to switch places with his enemies the next morning...changing water into wine...healing the sick...raising the dead...I mean, is there anything to fear?!

I would not put any or all miscarriages in this way of thinking, but I take responsibility and remind myself that faith is a walk, not a talk. The Pharisees were great 'talkers'. This, at the least, is what I must live with and forgive myself for, and hopefully, learn from. I pray God graciously gives us more undeserved opportunities to serve him and others in faith!